Please read my personal statement and give quick opinion?
Question : Please read my personal statement and give quick opinion?
I appreciate any constructive criticism. Thank you.
My world is a delicate assimilation of Russian heritage and an “American” environment. I was born in Latvia, but fate had other plans for me. My father and mother, two young Russian immigrants, brought me to America with them when pursuing higher education in the United States. Although, since then, both my parents immediately adjusted to speaking predominantly English with my sister and me, I maintained the language and link to the Russian world, partly as a result of my grandmothers’ sojourns to our homes. Eventually, I became the one to initiate Russian conversations with my parents during my grandmothers’ absences, for fear of losing this precious link. While many others may feel shame and may try to purposely suppress their cultural qualities for the sake of assimilation, I swell with pride when asked to pronounce my unique last name, or when I have an opportunity to demonstrate my bilingualism and communicate with an elderly ‘babushka’ in Hollywood in need of a quick translation. After my parents’ divorce, my world inevitably split in two, between mother’s California and wherever my dad happened to be living at the time. Little did I know, I would soon embrace the opportunity of altered perspectives; of an expanded world and comfort zone. I spent my early years basking in sunny California, but then transitioned to the Midwest, and then back up to the Pacific Northwest. Finally, I lived a year of my high school career in the “New South”, in North Carolina’s capital. My sister and I spent countless hours traveling in bustling airports; breaking away from one parent, braving rigid security and gate processes, and making the most out of endless, weary flights to our other home. We switched schools often (I attended four middle schools and three high schools), and faced repeatedly the most formidable thing to a child: a classroom full of strange, probing faces. Never the less, by the time we’d leave one place for another, I’d have gathered countless friends and memories, triumphing with a new sense of confidence. By the time I was fifteen, I savored every moment in which I could flex my independence. Airports were familiar and even exciting: I felt like I could choose my own destination when navigating through the vast concourses without any guidance, a feeling I reveled in. Now I realize that my atypical childhood of constant travel and change has nurtured a great desire in me to continue to explore the world, not solely for adventure or a sense of freedom but for a chance to alter my perspectives for the sake of self-growth. Not only did I possess a precociousness with adapting to the many environments I was exposed to, but I embraced and enriched each community in some way, whether it was bringing my talents to a competitive class or club, or making valuable and lasting networks of diverse students like myself. Often I was the only non-black, non-Jewish, or non-Native Spanish speaking member of a group.In addition to Russian, I have a superior comprehension of the Spanish language when compared to other non-native peers, and I reason that my knowledge of several languages: English, Russian, and Spanish will assist me in my aspirations. I envision myself interacting with people not only from all over the country, but also from all over the world. Though I do not know exactly what career path I will take, I desire one in which I am able to further my expanding perspectives. I do not intend to simply travel for frivolity’s sake, but to engage in the many worlds that makeup the country and the planet. I hope to find myself one day working to build this country’s relations with other nations and improve conditions within itself. My highest aspiration is to continue to interact with many worlds and carry forth my own growth, and I confide in the excellent university environment for being the catalyst in doing so.
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Best answer:
Answer by Stephanie B
I like it, but I would replace the word “worlds” with another choice (like peoples or cultures) since there is really only one world.
Remove this line: but fate had other plans for me
father and mother – use the word “parents”
remove this line – for fear of losing this precious link
After going through your State of purpose it seems to be what actually happened in your past and not what you are looking for.
You have mentioned everything in details, to the extent that your statement of purpose seems to be “my experiences with life”
Reduce the size of past events.
When you say russian language, then you should say that Russia is very rich in science an dliterature and getting familiar with both Russian and American literature has upgraded my skills and thinking significantly.
You have not mentioned to which degree this SOP is. Political science? public administration?
Though I do not know exactly what career path I will take— DO not use “do not” If you dont even know which way you will move then how come this can be your statement of purpose?
I desire one in which I – Use I want to— desire is something about which you are not 100% sure
The best lines in ure SOP : My highest aspiration is to continue to interact with many worlds and carry forth my own growth, and I confide in the excellent university environment for being the catalyst in doing so.
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