Consumption and Real Estate
Is assisted-living the best option for my mother?
Question : Is assisted-living the best option for my mother?
My sister and brother-in-law own the house where my mother and I currently live. They bought the house as an investment, and because my parents were paying too much money to live in a small “villa” in a retirement community where they were not particularly happy. Now, due to my Mom’s continuing depression and the onset of stage two dementia (mostly loss of short-term memory), they want to sell the home and move her into an assisted-living facility. I think this is a bad idea. My mother is not a socially outgoing person, and I do not think she will flourish in that environment. Also, she’s as healthy as an ox, and I don’t think being around sick and dying people will do anything to lift her spirits. She can feed herself, clothe herself and does not require any medical care. I feel that uprooting her from what she has come to accept as her “home” could have very negative psychological effects, but I don’t have a “voice” because my sister is older and “knows best.” Is it a good idea?
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Best answer:
Answer by Odessa R
talk to your mom’s physician about this , they will help answer this better than anyone
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#4 written by paul y 1 year ago
I had the same problem with my mother. I am a Nurse Aid and deal with a lot of Respite Caregiving and Home Health.
Let your mother do as much of her own ACTIVIES OF DAILY LIVING for as long as she can… the more she can do for herself the longer she will be cognizant of her environment. Let her stay in her own environment even if you have to get outside help as in Respite.. and yes there is all kinds of help and some of them are free if you cannot afford it..I work for Faith in Action in Monroe Michigan and its sponsered by AARP and other donations by different groups and individuals..
I had the same problem with an older sister and brother and they went to a Judge and got her declared incompetant and had to stay in a nursing home the rest of her life. Well, she had problems but it was not the best way to end her years but you cannot be responsible if you have done everything in your power.The best advice if you are not happy about the arrangements your sister has been doing with concerning your mother would be to seek legal assistance and see what rights your mother does have. Power of Attorney? Conservatership? -
#5 written by Richard F 1 year ago
I almost took this to be a serious question, but then in the end you said you have no voice in solving the problem, so answering it by agreeing with you is a pointless exercise in futility. You could take your sister to court, but of course if you win she will throw you both out on the street. Visit your mother often. Watch out for your sister. You might be next on her list.
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#6 written by Tapestry6 1 year ago
Your living with Mom and your sister says ‘she knows best?”
No, she owns the house and wants to sell it and make the money on it so she can invest in something else.
Call her on it.
Tell her she is thinking money not Mom.
That might jerk her back into what is ‘best’.
You might look for another place for you and Mom and get out from under sister she seems a bit too controlling to me. -
#7 written by fr33d0m09 1 year ago
I would go look at some assisted-living places before placing your mother into one..Ive been to a lot of assisted-living places and most of them are terrible, I would never put my parents into one…On the other hand, some are quite nice….Its a good sign when you walk through the doors and it doesnt smell like crap…
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my friend used to own an assisted living facility and i visit the residents once in a while to talk to them and sing to them where they sing along too. there are facilities that their residents have different needs. there’s one that can walk and healthy and feed herself but it’s just that her children are too busy to take care of her and they dont want to leave their mother by herself in their house everyday. there’s one that had a stroke and on a wheelchair cannot talk and feed herself but very responsive when you talk to her. what i’m getting into is it depends on a facility where there are different kind of residents with different kind of needs. you can always check the residents in a facility where some of the residents can still socialize and fun to talk to. it’s sad that we have to do this to our parents. in our culture, we take care of our parents til they die for we feel that it’s our responsibility to take care of them after they took care of us since we were born. we have so much respect for our elderly that they dont “fear” getting old for they are assured that their family will always take care of them.