Question : COLLEGE ESSAY HELP..Can some one please help me correct my college essay.?
Any kind of constructive corrections will be greatly appreciated. Thankss…

At the age of nine, I became an American. My family and I came to New York from Romania. We were a family of four, migrating to an unfamiliar country with just two suitcases. I was ecstatic, expecting the streets to literally be “paved with gold”. I soon realized the absurdity of my expectations when my first taste of America was sitting next to three homeless men handcuffed to a bench in the customs lobby of JFK International Airport. This image haunted me for a long time, but it was my Uncle Eli who finally showed me the good in America; he introduced me to the game of baseball and helped me assimilate into the American culture.

When my family and I first arrived to the U.S, we moved in with my Uncle in the North Bronx. Without hesitation, he took us in and made us feel right at home despite that having us there made the place extremely crowded. Nevertheless, I became the son he never had. We spent every night on the living room couch watching the Atlanta Braves. Baseball connected us to each other. One night he came home from work and told me he had something for me. To my surprise, he handed me a brand new baseball glove and a bat that was as big as my whole body. From that day on, I daily spent hours throwing baseballs against the garage door. I was driving everyone crazy, especially him. To channel my fledgling talent for baseball more efficiently, my Uncle signed me up for the local little league team.

In school, I was constantly picked on because I didn’t speak English, but I suppose I brought it upon myself, continuously repeating the words “I like ball”; who wouldn’t laugh? Regardless, I was not the most popular student and I didn’t really make any friends my first year. Thankfully, baseball changed that for me. Playing baseball was a radical experience for me since I came from a country that is dominated by soccer. It was quite refreshing. I quickly evolved into a player who could play every position ranging from catcher to right field. It was certainly more than a sport; my newfound friends also became my language teachers. Baseball is a game of “communication”. Therefore, I was somewhat forced to learn expressions that were commonly used on the field. When the coach would scream, “Stefan, call for it!”, I learned to move quickly and go for the ball. I was always happy when I noticed my uncle at my games sitting in the stands with his grandchildren. I always tried my best to impress him, hoping to make him proud.

During the summer of 2008, my sister and I were visiting our family in Romania. The phone call came from the States that my Uncle Eli had peacefully passed away in his sleep. The news was shocking to us considering we had talked to him on the phone the night before to wish him a happy birthday. Memories came flooding back. I remembered meeting him for the first time, and even spending the last day at his home before we moved into our own apartment. He was one of the most influential people in my life and molded me into the person I am today. To this day, I tend to glance into the crowd at my games, hoping he would be there just one last time.
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Best answer:

Answer by ricardo9505
uh touching but I hope u don’t plan on getting into college with this. Explain some goals, desires, what u want to do and change the world, help others, your passion for study and teh fact maybe your parents never went to school. Get my drift. Go to about.com or another site for tips on college essays. Unless this is for creative writing. then I’m no good. But the ending was good. but it was bittersweet and quick. Drag it on with a decsriptive moving sentence before your last one.