Question : Long-Distance Heartache. Why did he leave me? Should I tell him how I feel?
Everyone, I am going through a really difficult time accepting a break-up. My boyfriend ended things almost 2 weeks ago and I’m totally struggling. For background on what I’ve been going through, please check out this “question” that I posted a month ago:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Aj1xdzbf8SmkMDaHflu9q3rsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20100518223309AAeou8m

So, if you’ve read from that link above, my boyfriend’s tactics of barely calling me continued. Even when I would call him, he would return my call one even two days later. It seemed as if after the miscarriage, he totally cut me out of his life.

When he got back to Boston (I live in Miami), I barely heard from him. We went from texting and calling about EVERY little thing, every single day to me not hearing from him? My miscarriage began 5 days after the doctor’s appointment and I will spare you all with the details of that horrible experience. I have never been in so much physical and emotional pain in my life. Though he’s in Boston, shouldn’t have called me EVERY DAY to see how I am? In the 5 days since he’d been back in Boston, I only heard from him twice. When I told him about the pain I was in and that the miscarriage had begun, he responded “Oh, I’m so sorry!” It was as if I was a burden to him. We never even discussed the miscarriage together.

In conclusion, over the next month, I barely heard from him. I was trying to give him “space” thinking he was trying to adjust to a new job but he never gave a DAMN about me! I cried for him when he lost his job but he never cried for me! I loved and needed him! Even if he didn’t want the baby, I unfortunately had a miscarriage… Shouldn’t he be “relieved” (for lack of a better word) that the pregnancy is no more? Does he blame me for getting pregnant? Why do I feel so guilty?

He would go days and days without contacting me so 2 weeks ago I called to discuss the bills from the miscarriage that he said he’d pay. I asked him, “Baby, what’s wrong? Something is up.” and he said “I’ve been meaning to talk to you. I just can’t do this. The distance and everything, and well, I’m not ready to take that next step and have you move here.” I was crushed. I saw this coming but still I was crushed. In one month, I lose him and my baby. OUR baby. I went in circles with him. I told him that I didn’t need to move to Boston now or even this year! We could stay in the relationship and see where things go! One month prior he wanted to marry me and now he didn’t feel committed to take that next step and have me move there? I wasn’t asking for marriage, I was only asking for him! I even told him that I’d move there, get my own place and that way he wouldn’t feel “responsible” for my well-being if things went bad. He didn’t even want that. I couldn’t believe what was happening. He didn’t even have the nerve to tell me this face-to-face after ALL we’d been through. How could he leave me in my most desperate time of need???

I felt myself starting to cry but I stayed strong. I raised my voice and told him that he wasn’t making sense. How can you say you couldn’t see yourself without me and all of a sudden “Poof! I don’t want you anymore?!!” I wished him luck and hung up the phone in anger. The bad part is, I wish I hadn’t done that. I wanted to call him back and tell him one thing: I’d never gotten a chance to tell him how he made me feel like a dog in that doctor’s office. I don’t know if I’ll ever get that chance.

Where do I go from here? What do you guys think is his problem? I didn’t get pregnant on purpose. Where did I go wrong? Not only and I trying to grapple with the loss of my baby, but now I’m having to go through the misery of losing this great man that I loved too? That’s not right!!! I don’t know what to do.

Do you think if I lived there or if he lived in my city this would have happened? Is he using the distance as a cop-out? I need closure and even though it’s been 2 weeks, I’m afraid I’ll never talk to him again! Do you think I should fly there and ask to see him face-to-face? Someone please shed insight. I’m about to lose my mind. What should I do? I need to tell him how he made me feel! I’m so angry right now and feel as if I can’t carry on. Please help me someone.
Thanks, Betty! I am seeing a counselor and I have been trying to work through this. I saw this coming so I was not in denial. I just can’t believe that he could flip his tune in one month’s time. I want to know why but I realize that I may never get an answer. I just want some sort of closure.
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Best answer:

Answer by bettyb
Unfortunately, I think he is demonstrating how he feels about you and the relationship. He may be using the distance thing as a copout, but it would probably have happened if you lived closer together. What you’re going through it really tough – to lose a man and a baby at the same time. I would recommend some counseling. .