Consumption and Real Estate
If the couple is moving overseas after the wedding is it ok to ask for $ at the wedding shower?
Question : If the couple is moving overseas after the wedding is it ok to ask for $ at the wedding shower?
My fiancee are moving overseas after our wedding. My family wants to have a wedding shower, but I think its inappropriate to ask for money. We don’t want to end up with a lot of nice gifts that have to remain in the USA, and it is too expensive to ship everything. Should we skip the shower? We are also not taking a honeymoon any time soon so we can’t ask for money to go towards that either.
moving overseas
Best answer:
Answer by leelee
technically it is not ok to ask for money. Instead, do what my husband and I did…when we went to register for gifts, we registered for very few items and that worked well.
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#3 written by Barbara B 1 year ago
No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!
Never ask for money for any reason. In fact, no gifts are to be requested or expected.
Remember, the people you invite to your wedding (and any activity associated with it) are your HONORED GUESTS. Demanding some kind of tribute either in cash or product is a terrible way to treat honored guests.
Yes, it’s your day – but that means it’s your day to treat your guests with respect and love. It’s NOT your day to extort loot – er expect gifts.
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#5 written by karen 1 year ago
Money is not mentioned on a wedding invitation, however a clever note on a wedding shower invitation should make it quite clear that the couple would appreciate money. Something along the line of: The couple is not registered at any stores because they will be moving overseas in the near future. So it would be appreciated if your gifts could small in nature. For those who wish to contribute, a money tree will be available at the shower”. If the hosts would either write down the donor and an amount or leave cards and a bowl for those that contribute to the money tree can be acknowledged. Guest might well appreciate not having to shop for a gift. The treasure box could be substituted for the money tree and guest could tuck their well wishes in the treasure box, wishing well, etc.
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Skip the shower if you prefer or ask for no gifts. Instead of having the shower to “shower” you with gifts, have it as a sort of mini-farewell/pre-wedding party.
My husband and I were in the same boat as you, we emigrated four days after our wedding and between emigration fees, wedding payments and other sundry expenses we really couldn’t afford to ship over a whole lot of gifts (and we’re waiting until our 3rd anniversary to take our honeymoon). Plus, I know that our friends would have given us ‘souvenir’s’ of our home country which would have meant a lot of leather, wood and animal products (we lived in South Africa) which are difficult to get through the border ‘pest’ control in our new country.
We judged it the lesser evil to put a note in with our invitations stating that because we were emigrating, if a gift be given then cash would be preferred so that we could move it across easier and then buy the various items in our new country (it was phrased better). That way nobody would buy us a gift that would be left behind or be confiscated by ‘pest control’, which to me would have been the greater evil (so to speak). It’s also why we didn’t just not say anything or leave it to word of mouth, we didn’t want to take that chance.
Everyone understood why we did things that way and a few people asked if they could buy us something and with them I just explained that it had to be able to fit into a suitcase without weighing too much and couldn’t be x,y and z because of ‘pest control’ regulations. They understood that and kept to those limits.
I feel (and many people here disagree with me) that sometimes etiquette needs to bend for circumstance. And I also believe that your friends and family love you and won’t judge you harshly for being honest and for having such a good reason behind your request (you’re being practical, not greedy).
Ask your friends and family what their opinion is on this issue, just to get an idea of how it’s perceived by people who know you.
Good luck.